Child-birthing can often be an overwhelming experience for a woman in labor. The role of a support partner is vital and can play a significant impact on the outcome of the labor and delivery process.
While it is a big undertaking, research shows that continuous support during childbirth can have positive benefits for both mother and child and may even shorten the labor process.
By providing support and encouragement for your partner, you can strengthen your bond and ensure that she feels less alone and vulnerable during this beautiful, but physically and emotionally draining experience.
To help you prepare in advance, we’ve put together 5 tips on how you can better support your partner during the labor and delivery process.
01. Prepare
As a support partner, it's your job to prepare well in advance.
How To Prepare
Learn what to expect. Have a plan of action. Prepare to wait.
Many soon-to-be parents take a childbirth education class. While classes aren’t required, they do provide an excellent opportunity for you to learn in a slow-paced environment and ask questions as a team.
Whether you take a class or not, it’s important to learn the phases of labor and to establish a birth plan with your partner.
Knowing the stages of labor can help you understand how to support and when to take action.
A birth plan is an outline of your preferences for labor and delivery. It helps communicate your preferences to your medical expert and can serve as a physical cheat sheet for any decisions that could arise. Understand that every birth plan is unique and should be prepared with your partner in advance. This plan should cover everything from pain medication and medical intervention to what happens directly after birth. (Does she want an epidural? Does she want to save or donate the baby’s cord blood? Do you want your newborn vaccinated?)
While you can do your best to plan for everything, labor is not an exact science. You should remain flexible and mentally prepared for changes that may arise due to pain management or the duration of labor.
02. Advocate
As her support partner, make sure you're ready to step in if the situation calls for it.
How To Advocate For Your Partner During Labor
Arguably the most important aspect of having a support person is having an advocate.
You know your partner better than anyone else in the room. Nobody is better suited for the role of advocate.
You should accept now that your partner may not have the emotional or physical capacity to make decisions or communicate her needs and wishes to the doctor. Having discussed your birth plan in advance will prepare you to advocate on her behalf and ensure that her birth wishes are met.
Support her decisions even if they’re different than the original birth plan
03. Support Physically
As her support partner, be conscious of her physical needs.
How To Provide Physical Support During Labor
04. Support Emotionally
As her support partner, nobody is better suited to support her emotional needs.
How To Emotionally Support Your Partner During Labor
05. Don't Take It Personally
As her support partner, nobody is better suited to support her emotional needs.
It’s essential to remember that labor can bring about extreme emotions and behaviors. The experience of childbirth is both physically intense and emotionally overwhelming for many women. Pain, exhaustion, and hormonal changes can cause your partner to act in ways that may seem out of character—she may express frustration, anger, or even lash out at you. During these moments, it is crucial to remain calm and not take any of these reactions personally.
How To Stay Grounded and Offer Unconditional Support
- Understand It’s the Process, Not You: Labor can be a very stressful time, and your partner’s reactions may be the result of the intensity she’s going through, not a reflection of her feelings toward you. The discomfort and pressure she feels can sometimes manifest as irritability or sharp words. Remind yourself that this is a normal part of labor and that she deeply appreciates your presence, even if she can’t express it in the moment.
- Maintain a Calm Demeanor: The best thing you can do is remain calm, composed, and supportive. Refrain from taking her words or reactions to heart. Your job is to be the steady and reassuring presence she needs, even if it feels difficult. Sometimes a calm demeanor can help to deescalate stressful moments.
- Stay Flexible and Adaptive: As labor progresses, her needs might change. She might initially want a massage but then push you away in frustration. Don’t feel rejected or frustrated—this is just part of the unpredictable nature of childbirth. Be adaptable and willing to adjust based on what she asks for in each moment.
- Focus on Reassurance: No matter how stressful things get, continuously reassure her that she’s doing an amazing job and that you’re proud of her. Simple phrases like “You’re doing great,” “I’m here for you,” or “We’re in this together” can go a long way in keeping her spirits up and helping her feel supported, even during the most intense parts of labor.
- Give Space When Needed: There may be times when your partner just needs space or quiet to cope with the intensity. If she asks for a moment alone, respect that boundary and step back without feeling hurt. Giving her space can be just as supportive as being actively involved.
- Recognize the Bigger Picture: Labor is a temporary but transformative experience. The tension, frustration, or even harsh words exchanged during labor don’t define your relationship. They’re simply a byproduct of an intense physical process. Focus on the goal—the safe arrival of your baby and the joy that comes afterward.
By maintaining perspective, offering unconditional support, and staying emotionally grounded, you will play a critical role in making your partner feel loved, cared for, and empowered during labor. Supporting her in this way will also strengthen the bond between you both, as you navigate one of life’s most profound experiences together.
